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December 22nd, 2005
01:52 pm
updated diaryland.
http://someonemaybe.diaryland.com/
blah blah blah
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October 25th, 2005
08:14 am - something to fill the boredom....
Reply with your name and I'll.....
1) Respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.
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October 24th, 2005
03:55 pm
when you are contemplating wether you should have red wine or beer with your breakfast you know you must be turning into some sort of alcoholic. when you are able to stop yourself from chosing either, you must be on the right track.
if only somethign would make these headaches go away...
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October 3rd, 2005
04:29 pm
Its hard to describe whats been going on in my life lately. I mean its been about twelve or so days since I updated, and normally you would think what could of possibly happened in that time?
Well in that time, Liam and I have almost broken up not once, not twice but almost three times. I’ve been getting mad about things I shouldn’t have been, and even madder about the things I should be.
School is hectic, tiresome but I enjoy it and love it to death. Once I’ve got this diploma I keep imagining myself in a whole range of exotic jobs. I have a thousand goals in mind so you could say I am keeping my options open.
Last week saw a return of the old Lauren. The one that goes out and stays out till close, the one that never wants to go home and is the life of the party. I don’t know if I was exactly the life of the party, but damn I sure had a great time. Tuesday night was a fun night out, with a group of friends, a group of friends that I wish was “my group”. I just felt so happy again.
And then Saturday night, whilst very very slow to start, was incredibly exciting until I got home, and liam and I had one of our first “we are going to yell at each other” fights and he walked out of my house ( or as I dramatically put it in a message to laura “out of my life”).
Sunday liam came over and although my cold shoulder plan just ended up with me in tears, my sadness was actually more overcome with the excitement of me wanting to wash the cat (in the bath). Washing the cat was fun, but it means the whole issue at heart really hasn’t been solved yet.
My mum says I’m cyclic. My moods and life go through so many different phases and usually the loop repeats itself. She pointed out that Liam doesn’t really realise that, but I haven’t really pointed it out to him.
Robbo and I caught up last week. Great plans are in action to stay up till four talking over a bottle of wine, just like the old days. I’m going to the Regatta and the RE on Thursday night – I feel like I am finally becoming social!
So there it is, the run down. I don’t know exactley where I stand with liam right now, but I don’t crave his affection like I used to…
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/square/b/sad.gif) crushed
Current Music: nj falls into the atlantic - senses fail
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September 21st, 2005
09:19 am
so i'm being a bitch again and i dont know why.
how do you tell someone that you really just need some time apart from them? How do you say that to them without them thinking you are breaking up with them?
what a mess
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August 15th, 2005
07:34 pm
British science journal Nature recently published curious findings: only 7% of eminent scientists (averaged over all fields) believed in a god. These are the same people who discovered that the color purple does not exist outside human perception. Despite this, we continue to say purple exists because to do so accords human senses primacy. Our world is defined by the human visual cortex.
Space and time are human constructs develop to enable us to process suprasensual grandeur. Beginning-middle-end are rungs: each level of consciousness is defined by its perceptual technology. The human eye registers less than 1% of the energy that reaches it, and that which is seen is mostly dictated by expectation. Physical purpose is dictated by physical being, but spiritual purpose is evaluated differently (back to that suprasensual grandeur). In relativity: the special and general theory, Einstein defined existence as energy vibrating at varying frequencies. Low frequency vibrations result in visible; high frequency vibrations result in energy impossible to quantify with our senses. The world beyond the world we know is beyond our capacity to understand it, or at least it is while we experience human being.
extracted from the eclipse, a memoir of suicide by antonella gambotto.
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July 30th, 2005
09:07 pm
 | You scored as magic wand. Your childhood innocence has not worn off, despite what others may think. You still appreciate the magic that exists in the world. Keep on wishing and some day your dreams will come true!
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What inanimate object are you?
created with QuizFarm.com</table>
Current Music: coheed & cambria
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July 8th, 2005
04:38 pm
omg i am doing so well right now.
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May 24th, 2005
12:36 pm
did i mention i was coming home??
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May 18th, 2005
06:38 pm
I wish to dispell rumours created from my recent posts. I'm not sure exactley what i mean by that, but there are things you should now.
1. I am crazy
2. When i say i want help, all it really means is send me some more emails so i feel loved
3. Life on a cruise ship is a pain in the behind, but i'm surviving (just)
4. I am a raving ranting insomniac.
Current Music: lost in you - sugarcult
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May 17th, 2005
08:34 pm
sometimes, you know, i just want to cry.
so help me, someone please.
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May 16th, 2005
09:18 pm
ther eis a post it note on my mirror, that says "this is me" and when i looked in that mirror tonight, i saw a person that made me wish holy ffuck i wish that wasnt me.
So many thoughts were running thorough my brain tonight, and nothing annoys me more than when i am writing a diary entry to my brain, and someone interrupts me. Its like that tiny interruption makes me forget the most important and fantastic entry i was writing. and then iam forced to remember the wording of what i was rwiting about.
tonight i was wrigint about liam. and about laura. and about how it wasnt right for me to be in a club without them. how i t wasnt riught fo rme to be behaving the wa y i was. how it wasnt right for me to dislike myself as much as i did tonight.
i have this desire, this need, for company, cose company that i dont understand.
how could i go through the first 8-10 months of living in brisbane and nebver fell that need. and then i think maybe i did feel that need, but my heart was broken. by dave of course. before i moved i was living in la la land and didnt really understand a males desire. i'm not saying i understand it now, but i'm saying i should of seen i wasbeing used. maybed thats why i though i should live alone, eat alone, drink alone and everything else alone. but it never happened that way.
and then i met liam. and all of a sudden my needs changed. but as strong as that first need was, there was the second one, the one that wanted to travel. so were id d that leave me..
in the disaster i am in now..
please wont someone tellme the andser. am i waiting out for the wrong things. or habe i got things right. i dunno.............
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April 12th, 2005
07:05 pm
So is this a test?
Am I trying to find out where my loyalties lie?
Because right now, this is so so easy for me. For a while there was a dodgy moment, where I let the excitement and atmosphere of this place get the better of me, but you know what I realised, a long time before it was too late, that only I could set myself on the right path.
Fuck I'm good sometimes. .
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April 10th, 2005
12:14 pm
You are Alcohol (aka: beer, wine, liqour). You are
loner, odd, have a beautiful personality but
you don't know that because deep inside you
feel numb, you have a lot of talents but you
are afraid to show them. if you show your
beauty in the right place and the right time
every one will like you, just be sure every one
are above 21 ;).
What kind of Drugs are you? and how that reflect your personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
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April 8th, 2005
06:48 pm
1) Go to my userinfo and choose one user on my friends list that is not added on your friends list.
2) Comment this entry with that username that you chose. I'll tell you something about them.
3) Do this in your journal as well
**** THis should be easy, because i have hardly any friends. HAHA! ****
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06:47 pm
Part of me really desperately wants to be writing right now, the other part of me honestly couldn’t care, so we will see how long this lasts…
I can not explain to anyne the mix of ultra high and mediocre emotions I've experienced on the ship. Some days I feel unwanted and unloved and I consider what its like to be home sick and try to define wether I am actually homesick.
What I mean, is of course I miss everyone like crazy, but I am having so many good times here that ig feels stupid to miss home. So I don’t. I wish my friends could be here, so maybe they'd start to understand how I feel.
Its been two months now.. Wow! Two months!! Can you believe it!!?? But.. 2 months is only 8 weeks.. You that’s not long at all….
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March 24th, 2005
06:57 pm - we wont forget, that girl posessed
There are so many things I want to write about right now, and there are so many things on my mind. However it almost 4 am and you wont believe how tired I am right now.There we are that’s my excuse for a short diary enty. And the fact that I have to go to work at 10am Is really not helping at all.
Its weird, I used to love writing in my diary, and constantly dream about the things I could be writing. This happened tonight, I was sitting in the crew bar, imagining what I could be writing right now. My laptop was even there at my feet, waiting for me to pull it out of the bag and start typing. The amount of people around me stopped me doing that. And then within half an hour, my idea had gone.
I was so torn tonight. Well at least I thought I was torn. But then I thought about it so much, and looked at what I was supposedly torn between, and realised, of course, I wasn’t torn at all. I knew exactley what I wanted, and there was nothing to change my mind. Of course I cant have what I want right now, and I just have to stop being scared that it wont be there for me when I get home. If It makes any difference, we made promises to each other, a promise not to forget each other, and in this lonely place I am at right now, I don’t think it will be possible to forget him.
What scares me is that it would be so easy for him to forget me. And that scares me because I think I am on the edge of something new….
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: page avenue - story of the year
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March 15th, 2005
05:14 pm
oh wow.. so many things i need to update you all about...yet i'm not going too.
haha.
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February 12th, 2005
01:48 pm
hey.. in america... have so much to update, and so little time. maybe tonight after work i will... untill then... xx
STAY WHO YOU ARE!!!
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